The Weakness In Me
by Inmyownwords92
Summary: This is a short but sweet Brittana one-shot inspired by Joan Armatrading's song The Weakness In Me.


**AN: This is a short one-shot inspired by Joan Armatrading's song The Weakness In Me. It seems these short but sweet, musically inspired one-shots is all I can come up with these days lol I'm working on a multichapter Brittana fanfic but I'm currently stuck =[ Hopefully that goes away soon but until then I shall leave you with these just to let you know I am still alive and writing haha Anyways enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Because if I did, Brittana would have already been together.**

The phone rings and you want to pick it up. You do. So badly, you want to pick up the phone. But you know it's her. It's always her and you just can't do it to _him_ anymore. You aren't the type of person who falls in and quickly out of love, but Santana has had your heart from day one. Ever since the day she decided to stick up for you against the bullying and teasing of Dave Karofsky and Noah Puckerman. She truly was your own knight in shinning armor. And you would have chosen her, above anything, but it took so long for her to come around. It took so long for her to realize that she, in fact, loved you back and you just couldn't wait any longer. You moved on. To a boy, although he couldn't love you half as much as she could, that wasn't afraid to be with you. Who wasn't afraid to deal with his feelings. Who wasn't afraid to be in love with you like Santana was. In your mind you moved on, but you know in your heart it would always be her.

You love him. That's not a lie. But you aren't _in_ love with him. And you hate yourself for what your doing. You hate yourself for wanting someone who isn't him, when he wants you so badly. But you just can't shake the fact that Santana is it for you. Everyday you sit and you wonder how you could break his heart, even though you haven't actually done it. He's such a sweet and caring guy but you know the heart wants what it wants. And the heart gets what it wants eventually. Some days you wonder why you're dragging it out. Why you let the days tick away when you know wholeheartedly in the end you're gonna give it all up to be with her. But he's your safety net. If, during this stalemate in yours and Santana's relationship, she decides to change her mind and take back what she confessed, you know he's gonna be the one you fall back on. He's your best bet after her.

The phone rings again and you sigh. You wish she would stop calling. You wish she would give you time to figure this out. Figure out how to go about this so no one ends up hurt. But you know there's no use in that because Santana's already hurting and if you choose her, ease her pain, when you turn around Artie's just gonna end up hurting too. It's a cruel game that fate has chosen you to play in but you know sooner or later, you're going to have to make that final pick. You're gonna have to make up your mind once and for all because you can't keep going back and forth between the two. It's emotionally draining. But you know you can't imagine living your life without her and you can't imagine hurting Artie like that either.

There's a constant war within your mind and your heart, fighting against each other to see who comes out on top. It makes you want to just shut everything off or run away from it all. But you know you can't do that either. There is no magical wand or incantation you can say to make all this mess go away. There isn't a remote or time machine where you can go back into the past and make Santana see that she loved you all along. There's none of that and it makes you frustrated and confused. You aren't use to making decisions like this. You're use to making everyone happy. Then again, maybe that's you're problem, you think. If you didn't always try to please people, make them happy, maybe you wouldn't be in the mess you're in right now. You do wish you could be stronger. Yes, you're frustrated that Santana keeps calling, keeps coming over, making you stay when you shouldn't, making you lie when you don't want to, making the boy you're supposed to be in love with some kind of ongoing fool, but that makes you think how is she so strong? She just keeps persisting even though she might get hurt. You think, is all the weakness coursing through your veins? Are you weak because you're staying with him because he's safe? Instead of taking the risk to be with Santana? And questioning if you're weak only makes you feel weak by the tenfold.

But Santana is addictive. Her presence, everything that she is, is like liquid heroine. Once you've had one hit, there is no going back. You're in it for life. And you know this because you're going through it right now. It's a constant want. _**Need**_. You _**need**_ to see her. _**Need**_ to hold her tightly. You _need_ her. Period. And that frustrates you because you have a perfectly fine relationship but you don't want it. You kind of wish it was like those gifts that your relatives or friends give to you for birthdays or holidays; the one's you recycle. You wish you could re-wrap it and hand it off to someone else who would enjoy it more, appreciate it more, than you do. You can't do that though. Only in a perfect world.

Now days all you feel is guilty. Guilty because you're hurting your best friend. Guilty because you're hurting your boyfriend. Guilty because you won't choose and keep hurting them. Bust most of all, guilty because you aren't being true to yourself. You're hiding in this safety net because you're afraid that Santana will change her mind and you'll be left with nothing. That worries you the most. Because once this is all over you could lose both of them. Your safety net and your best friend. But most of all you're afraid of losing her. You don't really know if you could deal with that. You lose sleep just thinking about it and if ever you do get to sleep, it's tormented. Your brain is plagued by it. Old love has you bound but new love cuts deep.

You know that if you choose now, that you'll lose out. You know that you have to let one of them fall but you want them both. You don't want to have to choose. You want to be that stubborn child who stomps there foot and refuses to make that decision. You want to live oblivious to the pain that you're gonna cause but you know it's what you have to do. And you have to do it now. Because as the days get longer, choosing gets harder, and the more it will hurt. Like ripping off a band-aid, it's now or never. And you're choosing now because you don't want to make Santana hurt anymore if you know where your heart truly lies. And it's been with her since you were twelve years old. It's been with her from the beginning. So, you pull out your phone and send Artie a text telling him you need to talk and that you want to meet up at the Lima Bean. Once it's sent, your phone rings that familiar tune but this time you pick it up.

"San..." You let slip between your lips in a breathy sigh of relief. Relief because you know that finally, you can stop pretending. Finally you can crawl out of that safety net. Because even if she isn't ready to announce it to the world that she's in love with you, you know that you'll wait. You've played the waiting game this long, so what's a few more months until she's ready? Because you can't imagine your life without her. You've tried to paint that picture before and it came out horrible. And although it makes you feel uneasy to say it, you **could** picture your life without Artie. Mostly because he wasn't there from the beginning. He hasn't always been a fixture in your life but Santana has and if you're lucky, she always will be.

"Hey Brittany. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out?" She asks timidly and you can't help the smile that spreads across your face just by the sound of her raspy voice.

"Actually, I'm meeting up with Artie in a few but as soon as I'm done, how about I come over to your place? There are somethings I want to talk to you about." You finish with a shaky breath. You can hear the hesitation on her end, probably from the mention of Artie's name, but she clears her throat.

"Um, yea sure. That sounds good." She replies and you let out a small smile.

"Alright. See you then San..." You say and she gives you a bye before you slide your phone shut. You sigh, breaking the blanket of silence that has fallen over your room. You're starting to feel like a weight is slowly beginning lifted already. And it feels good. You vow, right then and there, to never become a victim to the weakness in you again. Especially when it comes at the expense of the one you love.


End file.
